Looking for Confidence

It's been quite a while since I posted. I have felt the need to do so for sometime but had nothing I could really talk about that would be significant. Until today.

I have been struggling personally with my self-confidence as an individual. An individual in the gospel of Jesus Christ and in the world. I am in my final semester of an Elementary Education program. As I embark on my student teaching I was feeling insecure and wondering if I can really do it all. Be the best teacher that my students need me to be and help them by making a difference in their lives. I wondered if I would have enough left over for my Lord,family, friends, and personal goals or will I be consumed by my work? It's been a little scary. I am also preparing to move back to a town that really doesn't think to highly of me. What if they are right to think negatively about me.

So, today I wasn't feeling well. Scratchy throat and sore body parts from working hard on Saturday. I decided to rest and not attend church. I however still had the desire to focus on my spirit for a time. If I don't do this my week is much more negative and seems long and gruesome. I sat decided to watch BYU t.v. for a bit and then read an article. This is what I experienced.

I was watching a devotional on BYU t.v. It was a Mormon Black NBA player talking to some youth. He was talking about believing in yourself. He started to talk about how there will ALWAYS be people in your life who don't believe in you, and who will tell you that you can't do something. I know I will at times have parents and students who do not like me. But, If at the end of the day I know I gave it all I had and I put my heart into it...then there has to be some peace in that. Further that peace comes from using my God given gifts. I have to show faith in Him and His power to shape me into who He needs me to be. All my experiences shall be for my good. Even the tough ones. They will form me into a fine work of Art that God has set forth as a plan for me and my life.

After watching that I read an article in the Ensign for this month(January) It was about self-confidence. In the article it states from the Doctrine and Covenants, "Then shall confidence wax strong in the presence of God; and the doctrine of the priesthood shall distill upon thy soul as the dews from heaven....And without compulsory means it shall flow unto thee forever and ever." 121:45-46. It was so refreshing to read this. It made me remember that I can't look to the world for a means of self-confidence. I need to look within and from the loving source of my Heavenly Father. He is the light and He makes us who we are. He is and ever will be the one who is most interested in our increase. As we live faithful to Him and seek to serve Him in our lives we will find the confidence we need to be and do the things we are asked to do each and ever day.

I know these things to be true. I have felt an increase of light and happiness in reviewing and being reminded of these things. I know that God is aware of us each and every day. He knows what we need and when we need it. We must only take the time to listen and let the Holy Spirit lead us to the answers we seek.

May you find the answers you seek is my prayer.

Just Pray and Read your Scriptures

It's a very simple concept. In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints we are taught the great importance of Praying and reading your scriptures daily. It's so ingrained in us that it is easy to take it for granted. I have been reading the Book of Mormon regularly since January 08. I am enjoying every moment.

I have been recently reminded that we can also invite the spirit of the Holy Ghost and invite the Savior into our life in a huge way by doing these two simple activities. When life seems difficult and the answers are hard to find, take a moment and read the scriptures. Often if you read long enough and prayerfully God will speak to you and your life through the things you are reading. I plan to be a little more serious about my study and listen a little closer. With all the tough things facing us in the world today it is imperative that we remain in Gods grasp.

I can testify that reading the scriptures and praying often has brought me closer to God through-out my life at various times. I have felt peace and a tender love from God and I have had clarity of mind in finding answers to tough life questions. I urge you to test it. You will not be disappointed.

Losing Focus

Recently I was in yet ANOTHER accident with my car. I was in one only a few months ago. It is amazing how your self-confidence fades when you make a mistake more than once of the same kind. I have been nervous each time I get in the car and feelings of fear overwhelm me when making any kind of decision lately.

So, as I often do I decided it was time to reflect and figure out why these things keep happening. What is wrong with me. What do I need to change. What is God trying to teach me.

I has taken me all week to really come up with a good solid answer. See the same day I had the accident I had just been to the temple. It was easy to cry out "why" when I sat in my car falling apart in tears. It was easy to cry out "But Lord I was just doing your work why did you let this happen to me?" In reality I know that God cannot protect us when we are making foolish choices. My foolish choice had been to take my eyes off of the road when I was coming to an intersection. So, I contemplated that and apologized to the Lord for blaming Him. Of course it wasn't His fault. This became a teaching moment and I feel strongly that was what He intended it to be.

See, life speeds past us. We go day to day trying to pay the rent, take care of other responsibilities and perhaps we just take a moment to pray to the Lord when our day is done. At least that is how my life has been in the past 6 months.

I am trying so hard to fill my responsibilities with my family, my home, my education. I am giving my all to my education right now at the expense of everything else. I have put my home and the care of it on the back burner. My relationships are suffering as well. My loved ones know its only for a while and are very understanding, which I think has given me permission to just let it all go. And my relationship with the Lord has suffered as well.

I used to go to the temple once a week. But, I think I only made it once during my previous semester. God understands as well. I know He does. He knows my heart as He knows yours. But, just like my relationships with the people I love...that does not give me permission to let it all go.

I have lost focus not only when I drive...speeding down the road thinking ahead and looking away. Talking on the phone making appointments with friends or talking with family because when I get home I have a mountain of homework.

I am thankful I had this wreck though it wreaked havoc on my heart, soul, body and car. It has made me stop and analyze my life. It has caused me to take stock of what is really important. It has made me realize my focus hasn't been lost just when I drive. It has also been lost in my life.

God needs me to do His work. God needs you. Just like we need Him because we are imperfect. My life also needs God in it to be stable, well-rounded and fulfilled. I need to give him my attention more than I have. Not only for Him but also for myself. My life is ALWAYS a more pleasent experiece when I have focused my mind and spent ample time with HIM my creator and my Father. I know my self-worth and who I am when I have taken the time to walk with Him for a while.

I challenge you to analyze where your focus is. Make more time for the Lord and you will be blessed. I know this to be true. With all my heart. Thank you Lord for teaching me a very important lesson.